Letting Myself Be Seen
Human behavior, neuroscience, relationships, and communication are my passions. This is what I live and breathe!
For most of my life I was limited by beliefs that were molded during my childhood. Being raised by a perfectionist led to what I call perfectionist syndrom. Nothing I did felt like it was good enough. Literally we weren't given many chores to do at home because they would never be good enough. Well, guess what limiting belief I’ve been a slave to my entire life? I’m not good enough.
As best-selling author and expert social researcher Brené Brown says,
"Perfectionism is not the same thing has striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”
I wanted to be a psychologist, social worker, artist, or philosopher early on. I spent many years in my adolescence dreaming about this. My older siblings seemed like brainy types who ended up as engineers. I always felt like I couldn't live up the the perceived expectations and comparison to be more scientific. I felt like the black sheep of the family since I was talented both creatively and analytically. While studying Quantitative Business Analysis (say what?) at Penn State in 1991 I stumbled across a student counseling group while on a work-study job. I took all the necessary classes, became a student counselor for 60,000+ students and felt that I had found my “tribe”. But, I felt pressured by my parents to follow the logical route that would provide me with "financial independence" and stuck with my analytical side, finished my degree, and chose the safety of an IT paycheck with stability and "good benefits" as my dad would say.
I spent the last 23 years in the healthcare IT industry where I was successful at wearing many hats: quality assurance, business analysis, development, strategic planning, internal communications, training/ instructional design, and the last half managing people. I was sought after. And, I got to try to fit my "round self into a square hole" by inserting some of my "woo-woo" ways into my leadership style. I thought I could feed my passions for coaching and mentoring within my teams. But, the large non-profit environments where I had spent nearly my entire career didn’t value communications and relationships. Even though I had exemplary performance throughout my career, I always felt like the black sheep at work too. No matter what I did, I felt like I was swimming upstream and against the grain of my essential self.
Outside of work, I took on tribal belly dance as an obsession and this helped feed my fire of creativity. Of course, I hid that from most of my co-workers as I thought they'd somehow lose respect for me (once again not allowing my essential self to be seen).
In early 2016 I sank into deep darkness partly due to a medication poisoning and partly due to ignoring my essence for so long. I felt disengaged to the point of apathy. I was managing 3 teams, surrounded by toxic energy, stressed, and needed to get the heck out. In fact, I was so disengaged that my teams noticed and reflected this in my performance review. This was devastating, but not surprising feedback for me to read. Instead of trying to meet the performance expectations, I decided to resign with no plan other than to live off my life savings for a while and start to seriously explore life coaching. Thank goodness for a loving and supportive husband and a life savings.
It was a few times over about 10 months when I had several people ask me out if I had ever considered “counseling or life coaching” as a career. These comments came from many different people in my life - people I had just met along with close friends. Hmmmmm, maybe the people who saw my talents and gifts were trying to tell me something? In fact, a friend and Martha Beck Life Coach called me out of the blue in June of 2017 and said,
“Ali, I noticed that you really seem to want to help people. You’re so inspiring. Have you ever considered becoming a life coach?”
Hmmmm, "YES", I thought,
"...for as long as I can remember."
The Universe seemed to be speaking loud and clear. My coach friend offered me a free session and described the process in a nutshell so that I could decide whether Martha Beck's coaching program might be a fit for me. In that one 60-minute session, I was so blown away at the freedom I felt. I had been doing self-discovery work since my teens and this was, by far, the most effective approach I'd ever experienced. I took the leap and signed up for the Martha Beck Institute that next week!
I found my tribe, my calling, and am happy to say that going through this program is THE best decision I've made. I've chosen to live authentically and hone my talents to serve. I am destined to guide people to get "unstuck" and find their way in life.
I'm happy to say that I am mostly recovered from my big limiting belief of not being "good enough". By going through this process myself, I know that not only am I good enough, but,
I am great!
I am solely responsible for how I perceive my situation. I hold no regrets, or blame anyone else for contributing to my lack of confidence in my essential talents and gifts. No one else is to blame for the life we choose or whether we see our life cup as empty or full. Yes, we may have deep wounds from the past, but it is our responsibility to break free of them.
When we take responsibility for our lives and what we choose to believe, we empower ourselves to live authentically.
This transformation has led to the biggest sense of freedom and confidence in my skills and path as a life coach. My strengths with my clients are those going through big career or life transitions, living authentically, relationships, boundaries, and spirituality.
I am a believer in all things magical, and trust in the synchronicities that have guided my journey. Not only am I proud of my journey, I am now comfortable being seen for who I am and the gifts I am brought here to give to the world.
